Reasons Why I Like Working with Teenagers Instead of Adults (and You Should Too)

Zach Van Dyke January 24 2012 - No Comment

Having worked as a “religious professional” for the past 5 years and seeing “behind the curtain” (which continues to have a temporary but very real debilitating effect on me every time some new “wizard” is exposed), I’m thankful that I work with teenagers and not adults. And not just because their worship music is better, but because the shift that is happening in this younger generation gives me hope for the future of the Church.

Reason 1 – The younger generation desires authentic community.

Unlike their parents who elevate the individual, this younger generation wants to be part of a group. Social media, like Facebook, may appear to be an escape from real relationships (and in some ways it is), but I see it more as a search for authentic community. I just re-read Marva Dawn’s awesome book Is It A Lost Cause and in it she says, “To be true to the Hebrew/Christian Scriptures of the Church, first of all, we must reject the individualism of Western Civilization. This individualism has caused us to read the Bible singularly and to think about our faith only in personal terms. Contrarily, almost all of the Scriptures are addressed to communities.” I have seen this younger generation respond to a Church that is scriptural instead of individualistic. What Paul presents in his letter to the Corinthians about the Church as Christ’s body and that every part is necessary no matter how ordinary resonates with them.

Reason 2 – The younger generation seeks what’s real.

It has been said of this younger generation that truth is irrelevant. I don’t believe that. Or at least it has not been my experience with them. What I have seen this younger generation do is disregard “truth-tellers” who aren’t real. What this means for us “religious professionals” is that we need to be intentionally personal in our proclaiming the Truth. Bible teaching needs to be real, meaning it needs to contain personal stories, not cute anecdotes or even stories of historical Christians, but honest, authentic stories about people with whom these kids have a relationship. If it is real, they will seek it. This younger generation heard the Truth in Jefferson Bethke’s video while the older generation discerned his word choice.

Reason 3 – The younger generation is intolerant of intolerance.

This generation is the least prejudice generation in history and the most dissatisfied with current racial relations. They see themselves as a truly global community. They celebrate diversity. What an opportunity this presents the Church! Marva Dawn also says, “The gospel calls us to welcome everyone as God has welcomed us, breaking down barriers to discover the unity of God’s diversity, the revealing of God’s grace that comes from people not like ourselves.” I believe God is raising up this generation to obliterate the homogeneous Church.

Senior Pastors don’t miss the opportunity to disciple and empower this younger generation. Maybe you should resign from your position and become the youth pastor. I think He told me to say that to you…but if He didn’t…I know He told me to tell you to give your youth pastor a raise.

So glad it’s all about grace.

Zach

How to Show Your Teenager You Need Jesus

Zach Van Dyke November 28 2011 - No Comment

I preached a few weeks ago on “goodness.” Not because I wanted to, but because we were in a series on the Fruit of the Spirit and I didn’t have a choice.

Goodness?! Really?! Why am I so opposed to goodness? I don’t know. Maybe because for a long time I was so good at being so good but for not so good reasons. But that is not what I want to write about here.

(If you want to check out where I landed with “goodness”, click here to hear my sermon titled “Be Good.”)

Towards the end of my sermon, I addressed the parents of teenagers specifically. I asked them if their teenager knew that they (the parents) needed Jesus. I don’t mean cognitively know…I mean really know.

John Newton said, “We can’t be told we are sinners, we have to be shown.” I think the same is true when we are telling others about our sin and our need for Jesus as Savior. We can’t just tell them we are sinners. We have to show them.

After 5 years of youth ministry, I’m convinced this is especially true for communicating with teenagers.

I thought my point was rather brilliant…

Maybe it was…

I thought the Holy Spirit was convicting all those who had ears to hear…

Maybe He was…

But a week later a parent approached me…

“Zach, my husband and I loved your sermon, but we have no idea how to show our teenagers our need for Jesus. How do we do it?”

Wasn’t my brilliant point and the Holy Spirit enough?! Ugh!

I’m not a good “how to” guy, which probably means I will be a very frustrating preacher to most…sorry…it’s frustrating to me too…and I’m working on it…although I doubt I will get much better.

But because I love this parent, and because I think it is so important for our teenagers, I am going to attempt to show you “How to Show Your Teenager You Need Jesus” in three (I wish they were easier) steps.

Tell your teenager the truth about his/her sin and YOUR SIN. Your teenager wants to know the truth. An attempt to avoid consequences is inevitable, but the guilt if unaddressed is far more excruciating…and your teenager knows that. And when you address your teenager’s sin, know your teenager’s heart so well, that even if you never did the same exact thing, you can share a time where your heart motive was the same. This will take some work. Not only do you need to know your teenager’s heart well, you will need to know your own heart well.

Invite your teenager into YOUR REPENTANCE. This could be done a number of different ways. Confess a besetting sin to your teenager and ask him/her to intercede for you in prayer also giving them permission to ask how you are doing in that area from time to time. Allow your teenager to hold you accountable for steps you need to take in reconciliation for a past sin. Or simply set a time to pray with your teenager once a week for the purpose of you confessing your sin before your loving Father. In my job as a youth pastor, I get the unique privilege of being present at times when others confess sin to God in prayer. The experience always affects me. How profound this experience would be if the one confessing were my parents.

Talk about YOUR RELATIONSHIP with Jesus often. Mention Him a lot. Talk about Him like He is a person, not an idea. Love Him and more importantly like Him. Your teenager needs to know that Jesus is not only knowable, but loveable and even likeable.

You need Jesus. You know you do. Now go and show your teenager. And if you mess it up, your teenager will see that you need Jesus!

So glad it’s all about grace.

Zach

An Open Letter to the Senior Pastor from the Youth Pastor

Zach Van Dyke October 04 2011 - 4 Comments

DISCLAIMER: There is a danger I’m taking in writing this letter while currently serving as a Youth Pastor as this could appear to be a passive-aggressive attempt to communicate with my own Senior Pastor. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. I love my Senior Pastor and talk openly with him on a regular basis. This letter comes from 5 years of being a Youth Pastor and spending 5 years talking with other Youth Pastors. My intent in writing this fictitious letter is to encourage honest dialogue between Senior Pastors and Youth Pastors.

2nd DISCLAIMER: Just like Senior Pastors, every once in a while there is a Youth Pastor that is simply “bad.” The following will not help in aiding a Senior Pastor’s relationship with a “bad” Youth Pastor. He should probably just be fired.

Dear Senior Pastor,

For a while now I’ve been meaning to tell you the following three things:

1. Please know that I don’t want your job! I really don’t! I’m a good communicator. Maybe even better than you because my audience forces me to be. (Teenagers have to be the most fickle audiences.) I’ve actually been offered opportunities to pursue a job like yours…and I don’t want it! I see how people treat you. I see how people place such high expectations on you and your family. I see how you are required to solve every problem from the drums being too loud during the last song to why a loving God would allow Mary’s mother to get cancer. I see how you need to be all things to all people at all times. Now in some ways the same is asked of me as the Youth Pastor, but unlike me, you can’t say “Hey, I’m just the youth guy.” Did I mention, I really don’t want your job?!

2. Please know the hard parts of my job and acknowledge to me that you know it’s hard. Care about my job. Genuinely care. Like noted in #1, I am dealing with the most fickle of all humans, teenagers. There are days that I think, why don’t they like me? How could 5 of my best leaders “take a break” from our youth group and go with their buddy Tim to his youth group? Also, most of the time I talk about our brokenness and our neediness and Jesus as the Healer and Savior, I am met with blank stares or worse faces lit by iPhones. Because most of my teenagers have “good” parents, because their parents work really hard to provide for them a “good” life and protect them from the world and often times even their own selves…they don’t really see a need for Jesus. He isn’t practical to them. I need you to remind me that what I’m doing is important and that it matters. I need you to tell me that I might not see results today, but when this teenager screws it up bad in college (and she will…every single one of them…even or maybe especially the home-school ones), maybe she will remember the Gospel that I preached to her today and believe then.

3. Please know I want you to care about me. Actually, the previous two don’t really matter. Just this one. My passion as a Youth Pastor is to provide teenagers with what I longed for as a teenager. To have someone take an interest in me. To love me and tell me I have what it takes. To usher me into adulthood. (I didn’t really have that which doesn’t excuse but might explain some of my sophomoric behavior and poor choices.) I look up to you. Like I said, I don’t want your job, but in many ways I want to be like you. Your faithfulness, your perseverance, your compassion. Show me how you survive a job that from my view, since I’m already being honest, looks pretty sh*tty…because in doing that I really believe you will show me Jesus.

Thank you for all you do…now can we hang?

Sincerely,

A Youth Pastor

Senior Pastors, seriously, thank you for all you do…now go and love your Youth Pastor!

So glad it’s all about grace.

Zach

Fallen Shorter

Zach Van Dyke August 10 2011 - No Comment

I was sitting outside in the almost unbearable heat and humidity of Acapulco, Mexico trying to have a discussion with teenagers about Romans 3 after a long day of construction at Casa Hogar, a home where children live whose families cannot afford to take care of them. I was mostly trying to lead this discussion because it felt like what I was supposed to do as the youth pastor, but really I just wanted to get out of heat and go to bed.

To avoid much thought or effort on my part, I simply read the passage and asked the students to go around and share what stood out to them. As the students went around the circle, I heard the typical, superficial “Christian” goody-goody answers, which was fine with me because it meant I didn’t have to really engage in the discussion and I could just respond the same…without thought.

Then Hannah spoke up. I didn’t know Hannah very well and when she was a student in my ministry, she didn’t participate much. Now she was a college student who decided to come along with her high school sister on the trip. And my guess is, she spent the last year living the college life as portrayed in the movies.

Hannah said, “That part about ‘all have sinned’ stood out to me.”

What?! No one says that. That’s too obvious for even the most superficial of Christians.

Suddenly, I was completed engaged in the discussion. I wanted to know why that stood out to her.

With the faintest signs of tears, Hannah responded, “Because it means everyone has messed up like me and that makes me feel better. It gives me hope.”

I saw two reactions to Hannah from my group; empathy or condescension.

The ones who reacted with condescension really bothered me.

Who did they think they were?

I didn’t say anything because although somewhat fired up, I was still hot and tired…and hot and tired won out.

Then in the middle of the night, I woke up and realized that my empathic response had oozed with condescension.

Although I was moved with compassion for Hannah and her realization that everyone messes up, not just her, as she spoke up, I still believed she must had fallen shorter of the glory of God than I had for that verse to jump out at her.

I was reminded of the story in John 8 where the adulterous woman is brought before Jesus by the Pharisees. Asking Jesus if she should be stoned according to the Law of Moses, Jesus replies “He who is without sin should cast the first stone.”

One by one the Pharisees retreat, dropping and leaving their stones.

I’ve never thought of the Pharisees as empathic, but here it appears that they have empathized with this adulterous woman. They have come to the conclusion that they too have sin. That they too have fallen short.

But unlike the woman who stays at the feet of Jesus, in no way trying to make amends for her sin, they give her a final condescending glance as they walk off being convicted of their sin, they know that they will make a promise never to do that which they have been convicted of again. That they will offer whatever sacrifice is necessary to atone for their sin. They will set up any accountability necessary to keep them from being like her again.

Yet they missed the true Atonement saying, “Has no one condemned you? Nor do I condemn. Go and sin no more.”

So glad it’s all about grace.

Peter Pan/Jesus

Zach Van Dyke June 13 2011 - No Comment

When I was a kid, I wanted to be Peter Pan.

I can remember spending hours pretending to be in Never-Never Land with the lost boys playing pranks on pirates and Indians….and let’s not forget the girls…Wendy, Tinkerbell, Tiger Lily and the mermaids…oh, the mermaids.

Still to this day if any version of Peter Pan is on TV, my morning, afternoon or evening is shot.

If I’m honest, there are days now I wish I could fly away to Never-Never Land. A whole lot of days.

Why is that?

I’ve been in counseling long enough to know when I need to be curious about something and longing to be a pre-pubescent boy who wears green tights and plays with fairies is definitely something of which to be curious.

So here I go…

Why do I want to be Peter Pan?

Because I want freedom from wanting to be Jesus.

Wait…what?!

Yep. That’s my response.

I’ve been a youth pastor for 4 years now and up until this point, I didn’t really see a problem with wanting to be Jesus for others. Wasn’t that my job description? Isn’t that what people expect from those in ministry?

Aren’t I called to be Jesus for teenagers struggling with sexual identity, gossip and self-righteousness (just to name a few)?

Of course.

But after 4 years I still don’t understand the intricacies of sexual identity and often feel confused after a student opens up to me about what is going on in his or her heart sexually.

Gossip annoys me, of course, but not enough to really care about it because at least the struggle isn’t sexual.

And self-righteousness makes me wish people dead. Truly, totally, eaten by a crocodile and left as excrement on the ocean floor, dead.

So to be Jesus is exhausting for me.

Jesus offers unconditional love and forgiveness and my love and forgiveness is conditional (see previous statement about self-righteous people).

Jesus offers profound understanding and empathy and my understanding and empathy are quite pedestrian.

And I know this…and you know this…We aren’t Jesus! I know.

But come on, be honest…if you are a religious professional like me…even knowing this, you still want to be Jesus.

So why do I want to be Jesus?

Because Jesus didn’t need to repent.

As long as I am busy fixing things in others, I don’t have to face what is broken in me.

Yep. That’s why I want to be Peter Pan…plus remember the flying, the pirates, and let’s not forget the girls!

Maybe you, like me, need to stop and repent for the reasons you took the job.

Who knew being curious about a ridiculous longing would lead to repentance. I am once again surprised by Him and…

So glad it’s all about grace.

Zach

Filthy Rags

Zach Van Dyke February 14 2011 - 1 Comment

Did anyone else go into ministry thinking it would save them?

Did anyone else go into ministry believing they would get better…that they would desire sin less…they would look more like Jesus?

I did.

Of course, I didn’t give those reasons in my interview. My reason for pursuing a professional ministry was to do God’s will and to serve God’s people. And I really did want to do those things…but in doing in those things I better get better!

A few months ago I decided I didn’t believe this stuff anymore. None of it. The Bible is a sham. Jesus never came. God did not exist. He couldn’t because if He did exist…I was screwed.

I was just sitting in my office thinking about my life and hit me…I’m not even close to being as good as I thought I would be after four years of ministry. My life doesn’t look the way a pastor’s life should look. In fact, by honestly looking at myself that morning, I saw areas of my life that looked worse than before!

So either God was angry with me (or worse, apathetic towards me) or He didn’t exist.

Those were my only choices and in that moment, for the first time in my life, I chose unbelief. Complete and total unbelief. I’m not talking about some sophomoric doubt here. HE DOES NOT EXIST!

And you know what happened…

I had the most amazing day of rest I have ever experienced!

I left work. It was a beautiful day outside. I found a spot I didn’t think anyone would find me and I lay on a blanket enjoying the Florida sun for three hours. No prayers. No talking to God. No feeling guilty.

I didn’t worry about getting better because there was no one to get better for!

I wasn’t depressed about how I was or more importantly, who I wasn’t!

I could just be me!

I kept wondering why it had taken me thirty years to realize I was trying to please someone who either couldn’t be pleased or who didn’t even exist in the first place?!

Then I read Zechariah 3.

Then I saw Joshua, the High Priest, standing before the angel of the Lord (Jesus) and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him.

The Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, Satan! The Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?”

Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel.

Wait a second…Joshua showed up in front of Jesus a mess?

He was the High Priest. God had prescribed in great detail to Joshua what needed to be done to stand before Him…all priests knew…and Joshua showed up in filthy clothes? What an idiot?!

Or maybe Joshua understood something that I didn’t. Maybe Joshua believed something that I didn’t.

And then I realized who it was that was angry with me.

The accusations I have heard my whole life were real and were from someone who did actually exist…but I’ve spent most of my life incorrectly identifying to whom that voice belonged.

So then I started thinking…What if we as pastors stood before our congregations in filthy rags?

I guess they would hear Jesus rebuke Satan.

And then we would hear Him say…

“Take off his filthy clothes…See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put rich garments on you.”

So glad it’s all about grace.

Zach

P.S. I believe!

I’m Done

Zach Van Dyke October 06 2010 - 1 Comment

I don’t want to write. There I said it.

The other day I was reading through some of my journals from the past 4 years (during which time I have been making a living as a youth pastor) and I noticed there was one, singular plea over and over again: God use me. Almost every page or prayer contained those 3 words.

I’m done being used. There I said it.

My buddy, Jake (everyone needs a friend like Jake) comes to my office every week and prays with and for me. It has become the most important hour of my workweek. I guard it like I hope to guard my daughter’s virginity throughout middle school…and high school…and college…and early adulthood…well, if I have my way, her whole life. She would make the most beautiful nun. She really would. I’m getting off topic…

This past week I was sharing some of my frustrations with Jake and as he began to pray he kept referring to this image of an invalid who gets so comfortable maneuvering around in his wheelchair that he confidently stands up to walk only to fall down on his face.

I get what Jake was saying, but it just wasn’t connecting with me. I get that just as an invalid constantly needs his wheelchair to move, we as sinners constantly need Jesus to be effective…but that wasn’t my problem. I know I need Jesus. I know my thoughts and my motives and they REALLY need Jesus. (It’s crazy that I still have a job in ministry…you too!)

By reading past journal entries, I saw how obsessed I am with asking God to use me or for Jesus to show up or something like that.

You may say, “Jesus wants to use you! Isn’t that awesome? And it’s a good thing you know you need Him in order to be an effective minister. And it is great that you are constantly asking Him to work.”

Yeah, it is! It’s the greatest rush to feel used by Jesus. To be the conduit by which there is healing and redemption and restoration. To see a glimpse of His Kingdom here on earth as it is in heaven…

But what about when He doesn’t use me?

I’m so afraid that one day He’ll stop using me. One day He’ll decide, “I’m done.”

So today I don’t want to write. I don’t want to be used. Because I’m scared to face reality if it includes God not using me.

In the Gospel of Luke there is a record of Jesus sending out seventy-two disciples to preach the coming Kingdom of God. Luke tells us when they returned; they were filled with joy because “even the demons submit to us in your name.”

Hear Jesus’ response:

“I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However…

Do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

So glad it’s all about grace.

Zach

Fall Kick-Off

Zach Van Dyke August 10 2010 - 5 Comments

• I won’t be able to see what God is doing through me.
• I will feel alone in ministry. No one will have my back.
• I will be overworked.
• I will feel like I don’t work hard enough or good enough or don’t know how to design a ministry that reaches enough students.
• I will feel guilty about any successes.
• I will be kept from being me to the fullest and being used to the fullest for the Kingdom.
• I will be tired.
• I will resent my family.
• I will begin looking for an outlet to escape feeling bad.
• I won’t be noticed.

Most youth pastors probably make a list of goals at the start of each new ministry year. Some of my previous year’s goals have included but aren’t limited to…

• I will capitalize on middle school boys’ desire to be noticed by middle school girls by providing more extreme opportunities for them to eat things which ought not be eaten.
• I will mask my real age with skinny jeans, a way too tight Louie Giglio inspired T-shirt, and a faux-hawk. Maybe even get a wrist tattoo that says something like “Christ’s Warrior” in a hip foreign language like Chinese or Greek or Spanish.
• I will concoct outrageous events with 1,000 hot wings and a chocolate slip-&-slide (if you can get away with the total inappropriateness of that one…it is a sure way to attract teenage boys to your ministry).
• I will be the coolest adult any teenager has ever met…ever.
• I will lead 10 teenagers to Jesus…at the very first youth group meeting.

This ministry year I instead decided to make a list of all my anxieties and fears. And as I look over these two seemingly different lists, I can’t help but notice the idolatry of my heart equally exposed.

Rebecca Pippert observes in her book Out of the Saltshaker and into the World:

Whatever controls us is our lord. The person who seeks power is controlled by power. The person who seeks acceptance is controlled by the people he or she wants to please. We do not control ourselves. We are controlled by the lord of our life.

At the start of this ministry year, let me encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, expose your worst nightmares regarding your ministry to Jesus. Take them to the cross.

• Jesus will work through me and He will reveal to me how He is working.
• Jesus is my ministry and He has my back.
• Jesus is my rest.
• Jesus is designing a specific ministry through me that is reaching His students.
• Jesus has already succeeded on my behalf.
• Jesus called me uniquely for His Kingdom purposes.
• Jesus is my rest.
• Jesus loves my family more then I do and has given me to them for my sake and theirs.
• Jesus is my rest.
• Jesus chose me.

So glad it’s all about grace.
Zach

I might go UFC on your a**!

Zach Van Dyke June 10 2010 - 2 Comments

Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.
Before you were born, I set you apart.
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
Jeremiah 1:5

If you’re a pastor (or especially a youth pastor), do these words make you want to vomit?

Really, God?! You appointed me for this? You intended for this to be my life? This is what it means to be set apart? Really?!

Someone recently told me, “You get paid to do your devotions. You get paid to pursue deep relationships. You get paid to be at church on Sunday morning.”

And then with a chuckle that made me miss Janice from Friends, concluded, “Essentially, you’re getting paid to do what I’m asked to do in my spare time.”

I resent my “calling.”

If one more person makes a joke about me only working on Sundays, I might go UFC on his a**! (more…)

“I can’t fix this and I don’t have the energy to try”

Zach Van Dyke February 15 2010 - 12 Comments

It was late in the evening. I had worked a 14-hour day. We just returned home from a bible study I was leading and I was bracing myself on the other side of the counter looking in at my frustrated wife standing in the middle of the kitchen when it hit me – we don’t have a good marriage.

It was a debilitating epiphany.

Kelly was my girlfriend in 5th grade. I remember thinking how beautiful she was (still is). She had hair that looked like curly fries (still does). We had even gotten in trouble for kissing on the playground. Even though I didn’t grow hair in certain areas until I was in High School, I was still an aggressive 10-year-old. We dated in High School. Married in college. Now eight years and three kids later we stood across from each other confused, unable to communicate and pretty much depleted.

How did this happen? (more…)