JoePa and Sermon Selection

Dan Allender November 14 2011 - 9 Comments

Years ago, I was invited to a Presbytery of a Pentecostal denomination to talk about sexual abuse. It was an odd invitation. I am not often invited into Pentecostal circles and I am never invited to address Pastors on the topic of sexual abuse. I could not resist. I was not disappointed.

There were approximately 50 men, no women. They ranged in age from mid twenties to early seventies, and one octogenarian. The total number of years of ministry averaged about 23 per person—let me do the math for you. They had conjointly served 1150 years in ministry and likely preached (highly conservative estimate of once per week for 40 weeks a year) 46,000 sermons. Anyone who knows a bit about Pentecostal churches knows that it is more likely 50 weeks a year and several sermons a week but that would be over 100,000 sermons and someone might think with that figure that I am exaggerating. (Heaven forbid)

I told them that I was immensely gratified to be there and it was a rare and delightful privilege. And then I asked them for a show of hands as to who had preached a sermon that addressed sexual abuse that year. Not one hand. I asked about the last decade. Two hands. I asked in the history of their ministry and I had eight hands. I calculated the total number of sermons that had been preached on sexual abuse—12. (Two men had preached on the topic twice.) I’ll bore you with the percentage: .00026.

I, then asked them to consider why that was the case. The reasons were at times full of self-righteousness and others were suffused in guilt and self-incrimination. It took us 15 minutes for them to digest the immensity of what they were discovering: virtually no one talks about sexual abuse.

I then asked how many had preached on the story of Tamar. Hands all around the room shot up. I didn’t do an accurate hand-by-hand count but I’d say the majority of hands were up. I feared what I discovered. I obviously did this to make a point, but the data was brutal. A group of fifty men had (except for a handful) had never preached on the topic of sexual abuse, yet most had preached on the story of Tamar.

I had them react to what I had done and many felt duped and others felt profoundly exposed. One man said, “Well if you had told us that the story of Tamar was one of sexual abuse, then we would have known what you were asking the first time.” I pushed back and said, “If I hit you in the face and then asked if I had done something violent, would you need for me to define violence?” It is so obvious that to define the term sexual abuse in the context of Tamar would assault the intelligence of the hearer; unless, we refuse to name any assault against our face as violent.

How in God’s name could a room of bright, godly, good men (where no woman is allowed to venture or speak) not see the story of Tamar as one of sexual abuse? I am still, a decade later, unnerved by their not connecting the dots.

Then comes the story of Joe Paterno and his failure to deal with the assault of a boy(s) in his cherished locker room. I don’t wish to vilify Paterno. I don’t know the story. I likely will never know. But how a man can assault a child in the late nineties and not have it come out to a public exposure until 2011 and still sustain Paterno’s implicit support in the accused abuser’s non profit and for the man to be able to work out and take showers in the same locker room is more egregious than I can fathom?

That is until I remember my time with the Presbytery. We simply don’t talk about or engage the issues of sexual abuse in polite company, especially in the realm of good ol’ boy cultures. One will never make it up the ranks of any male culture—church, sports teams, military, police, etc. if you talk about the reality of perpetrators and victims of sexual abuse.

I am only too aware that all those realms have women involved to one degree or another, but most are still considered male dominated cultures that let women in only by the skin of their teeth. One only needs to look at how seldom sexual assault is reported in the military and what happens when it is to know that we live in a vastly silent and sexually abusive culture that refuses to tell the truth and take the truth to the bone to marrow consequences when it is know.

Let me tell you, then about my sense of what will happen with JoePa. He will apologize; he already has done so. His place in the refined world of super coaches will be preserved and it is likely an honor that should not be taken from him. But I doubt to my bones that he will come out and talk about his own cowardice or his own history of past abuse, or his wife’s—or someone close to him like a mother or father. I promise someone near him has been abused and whether that has directly silenced him or only unwittingly kept him quiet, I don’t know. But I know that everyone in America is relating directly and intimately with at least one person who has been sexually abused. And damn it, we don’t talk about it.

A friend said: “Maybe the publicity related to this will be the moment that men begin to name it for themselves and their institutions.” Maybe. Most days I can only smile and say, “I’ll pray.”

Let me take a bit of a turn. Why should you preach on sexual abuse from Tamar and many other passages? Why should the words sexual abuse be uttered in the presence of children and adults, the young and the aged? The answer: the bible tells these stories and it doesn’t discriminate on the issue of age, social position, or false propriety. But what we do know is that a number of the elders, deacons, and leading givers in the church have abused and/or been abused. Certainly, some of their wives have been abused. And all hell will break forth if you take on a topic of such loaded, societal and personal consequences. It isn’t the issue of not being popular, like preaching on tithing; it is potentially a job ending sermon or series. The cost of crossing the line to join the abused—especially the abused who go to church to never hear or have to address portions of their past brought to the surface is eviction. To violate their shame-held sanctity, or the purity of the pulpit and the glory filled white pews is anathema. We simply do not talk about things like that in our church. Period. But Jesus loves the little children and even those dirty and sexually impure people who do terrible things. But nevertheless, we don’t break the code; not here, not on Sunday morning.

Why should we talk about sexual abuse? In church? During a sermon?

Evil is winning the vast struggle of sexuality and its kingdom advances when good men refuse to name, let alone address its work. When we are silent, evil takes up the platform and its message is death.

Evil hates the glory of God. It hates human beings because we reveal the glory of God through gender. The war for the human heart is fought on the terrain of gender. Evil wishes to destroy the pleasure and honor of being male and female and will not stop doing so until we utterly fail to reveal God’s glory.

If the glory of God is revealed through ‘male and female, he made us in the image of God’, then we must enter this war and discussion by doing vastly better than inviting people to prescribed gender roles that makes Christians look like they are stuck in the 1950’s. We must, at least, name what evil does to ruin our bodies through shame and contempt, especially through the pervasive assault of sexual abuse.

We need to develop a theology of sexuality that says NO not merely to immorality and sexual sin, but to all violations of human sexuality and dignity—especially abuse, rape, date-rape, sexual violations in marriage, pornography, prostitution, and sex slavery. This ought not be seen as a risky, irrelevant, or social ill that is not germane to the gospel.

One last thought—Penn State is going to be devastated with phenomenal losses due to victim settlements. Penn State is not going to want these victims to go to civil courts and begin the process of corporate disclosure of the systemic buffoonery, neglect or dereliction to the highest levels of their institution. It would cost them tens of millions of dollars in legal fees, lost donor support, and the inevitable ill will that prolonged court battles tend to create.

They will settle for a pretty penny. And so will you. When abuse in your church is discovered and an attorney asks you for your policy to address sexual abuse accusations in your church and you say, “We don’t have one.” When the deposition begins to roll and you are asked why you didn’t report a suspected situation of abuse and you can’t truthfully answer: “He is a powerful force in our church and I ‘d have lost my job if I even intimated that I was concerned.” It will not go well. Not for you, or for your church. No one needs to tell me that these are dark and dangerous waters. Having been accused of many things (not child sexual abuse) that could have ended my ministry I am only too aware of the power of the tribunal of the public, blogs, and the reality that the accused is guilty in the media until proven innocent and by the time innocence is declared, it doesn’t matter because the reputation, life, family, and health of the accused is ruined.

Evil wins on both sides of the aisle and it takes as much joy from one form of harm as the other. We are not to move precipitously to develop policy or change our sermon plans in the next day.

But will you schedule a sermon on sexual abuse before June of 2012?

Will you ask an attorney in your church or community how to develop a plan that is approved by the board/elders if suspicions occur about sexual abuse in your church family?

Will you pray and ask several mature and godly women, who are unafraid to be honest and are sensitive to the realities of their world–are we a culture where sexual violations—apparently small and egregious as double-entendre’s to sexual abuse could occur?

I have given up much hope for my generation to address these issues. We are mostly too close to retirement and too comfortable in our positions to risk the fire fight necessary to make this more than an occasional cultural flame that shoots up bright and hideous for a moment, but assuredly will go back to the shadows. But maybe it is one of many issues, those in the twenties and thirties will demand we face and name in order to retain our integrity. If not, there are hungry lawyers waiting to be used as Babylon to bring us to our knees.

May we listen well rather than be forced into exile with JoePa.

Family or Feud?

Randy Pope November 07 2011 - No Comment

I talk to many fellow pastors who dread the session meetings at their church (or whatever you may call your leadership board). More often than not, it seems to become a tug-of-war, a battle of wills, or a total impasse on getting things accomplished. Pastor’s are worn down and disillusioned about how to lead their session and sometimes, quite honestly, they are fed up with the whole of church governance.

We have a man that had served on our session and moved out of state to attend seminary. He called me one night and said, “Randy, you’ll shoot straight with me, won’t you?” and I said, “Well, of course.” He said, “Please be honest here. I’ve got to know. What I experienced as an elder at Perimeter, was what I saw for real or was there something else going on that I was unaware of?” And I said, “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, but yes, it was real. What do you mean?” He said, “Were there politics going on behind the scene; were there issues and challenges that I just didn’t see in my three years of serving on the session?” I said, “No, not at all. Why do you ask?” He said, “I thought it was real. I’m in a practical theology class and we were talking about the session meetings in the church. The discussion was about how challenging, how hard and how bad they are. I commented that I had served on a session that was very different than what was being described. I explained that we looked forward to the meetings every month. Randy, the class started laughing at me, and the professor assured me that I was being deceived and didn’t really know what was going on.”

I assured my friend that what he experienced was indeed real. I do look forward to our monthly session meetings and I believe that if you asked the guys on our elder board they would say they look forward to it as well.

Now, I know that we all may differ on our thoughts about church governances. If I can ask you to set those differences aside, for the sake of this post, here’s why I can say that our session meeting is my favorite night of the month. It’s because we’re a family! We model our session like a family, not like a congress. We easily observe that a congress forms parties that battle against each other. And the party that can best use the tools of warfare – debate, Roberts Rule of Order, etc. – typically comes out on top, or at least keeps the other party from “winning” the battle. I don’t know about you, but I never used Roberts Rule in my family! So, let me suggest a few things that can help your session be more of a family.

1. Have a workable structure, which includes as many elders as are qualified to lead and willing to serve. Obviously, if you have a large number of elders they can’t all serve on your session or you’d never get anything done. But you don’t want to exclude anyone who would qualify as an elder. So how does our church function with 250+ elders? Because we believe elders are called to shepherd the flock, to interview and approve new members to the church, to administer the sacrament of the Lord’s Table, and to teach. All our elders do those things, but only nine (9) serve on our decision making team (EMT) at any one time. Our EMT is a commission that is elected by all the officers and those nine men govern the church. Although this particular point doesn’t have direct application to the family it is important to have a good infrastructure that allows all qualified leaders to serve.

2. Have a clearly defined job description. It is vital to know what the pastor is to do, what the staff is to do and what the elders are to do. We use two terms to help us in determining whether a particular item should be done by the session or by the staff. They are Policy and Programming. The elders are in charge of policy and the staff is in charge of programming. In a single person staffed church you many need to function differently, but for our multi-person staff this works for us. The main thing is to have a clearly defined roles and responsibilities for who does what, have them written down and refer to them often. How is this like a family? Every member of my family had a job (chores) to do in order for the family to function well. As my kids were growing up they certainly knew who was to do each job and it just seemed to work. It works with your session too!

3. Have a mutually agreed upon ministry plan. I think it is vitally important for every church to have a written ministry plan. It helps every staff member, volunteer and officer know the direction the church is heading. And when that plan is developed and agreed upon, decisions become a little easier. My kids memorized our list of family values. My wife and I prayed that each of our children would embrace and adopt each of the values listed. That list of values was like a family ministry plan. They were written down and we all could tell you what they were. The collective understanding of those values helped us make decisions, because we all knew what was important. It is equally important that your session uniformly knows what is important, what is the vision & mission of the church, what is valued and what the goals to be reached are.

4. Have a regularly designated time with and for your pastor. I see this like our family meeting. As the shepherd of my family, I need to spend time with them, finding out how they are doing and praying with and for them. In our EMT meeting, they sometimes ask me difficult questions, exploring how I am doing personally and then praying with and for me. This time is critical if we are going to function like a family! If the session has time with you but not for you, you’re not going to be a family. But if you develop the trust like you’re a family, then meeting with your elders becomes a time of accountability, a time where they shepherd you and pray for you. Affording time for this level of engagement and vulnerability is what separates a policy meeting from a family gathering.

For example, in our church, each elder on our session takes a month and brings questions to ask me. Questions like: Have you been anywhere you shouldn’t have been over the last month? Have you been focusing on somebody or something you shouldn’t be focusing on? Are you loving your wife well? Are you spending time with your kids? Not only accountability though. They also care for me with questions like: How are you doing? Are you hurting? Are we hindering you in any form or fashion? How are you feeling physically and emotionally? Tell us how we can be a better help to you. My vow to them is that I will answer all questions honestly. After we’ve gone through a season of questions and answers, they gather around me for a time of prayer. I can’t tell you how much this has benefited me personally and as a leader over the years.

Are you starting to understand why this night is my favorite of the month? One thing though, we agree that what happens during this time stays just among us. We don’t tell our spouses or anyone else. So I feel safe. After that hour, we break for dinner and come back later for our “business” meeting. The reason for the split in time is to insure that the time for accountability and prayer happens or doesn’t become just a tag-on at the end of our monthly meeting.

5. Orient and re-orient your session. Every year, we take our first business meeting of and go through our orientation. The purpose of our session is “to serve the congregation and its pastor by using its biblical authority as a commission of the elders to oversee the fulfillment of the church’s God-given ministry plan.” We talk about that and make sure we all understand. We have two values above all others that we discuss: honesty and loyalty. By honesty we mean that we have to be honest in meetings. If we don’t agree, say it and let’s discuss it. Don’t leave the meeting wishing you’d spoken up. Loyalty, as we define it, is walking out of that room unified. Once a decision is made, no one except the people in that room, should ever know who argued for and who argued against. We stand together as a team. We discuss our job descriptions. We go over the ministry plan. Every year, we walk through the orientation, top to bottom, and it insures we’re all starting the year on the same page. Ask my kids and they will tell you that we as a family would re-orient ourselves to our family values, roles, and jobs frequently. This kept us all moving in the same direction and gave us stability. It worked in my family and it works with our session.

So, I want to encourage you to start thinking about how your session can operate more like a family. You are its leader and set the tone. Be open. Be honest. Ask your session to be on your team. It may take some time but I know you can get there. And when you do, you will say that the session meeting is your favorite night of the month and mean it!

Randy Pope

If you’d like more information about anything mentioned in this blog, please call my office and Perimeter Church, 678-405-2233, and we will connect you with someone on staff that can answer your questions.

Weight Gain Season Begins

Steve McKinney November 01 2011 - No Comment

It’s here—whether you’re ready or not. Just look at the seasonal shelves in your favorite store. Retailers like to call it ‘holiday season’ but let’s be more accurate.

Weight Gain season begins now and runs straight through New Year’s.

The next two months will bring ample opportunity for you to expand your waistline. Of course the choice is yours.

Why discuss it now and not mid way through December? Because now is your opportunity to plan for the weeks ahead. Once the craziness begins, you’ll be too busy to put a plan into action.

So let’s take this moment of clarity, this calm before the storm, to outline a two-part plan that will save your waist from unwanted holiday inches.

1) Part One: Your Exercise Plan. Exercise is the first thing people cut when they get busy, and the holiday season is notorious for empty gyms. This year do something different—obligate yourself to exercise. Promising to yourself won’t do it, you need to promise to others so that you won’t drop the ball.

• Sign up to work with a fitness expert – This is the perfect solution for consistent, challenging and effective workouts. I’ll give you the attention and assistance that you need to power through the holidays in better shape than ever – talk about motivating!
• Join a class – You won’t be as effective exercising on your own during the busy holiday season, so join a class for accountability. Find something challenging that gets your heart rate elevated and uses strength training.
• Get a serious exercise buddy – Some friends can be an awesome help while others end up pulling you down. When looking for an exercise buddy consider the following questions:
  - Do they share your fitness goals?
  - Are they fairly encouraging?
  - Do they give up easily?
  - Are they at your fitness level?

2) Part Two: Your Diet Plan.The holidays offer ample opportunities to indulge, so you need to hammer down some guidelines before hitting that buffet line. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t indulge in any seasonal treats, but use moderation. Don’t use the holidays as an excuse to eat until the point of being uncomfortable – will you really miss that bloated feeling? Decide which treats to cut out this year.

• Don’t bring edible treats to the office or to parties. You know that the leftovers will come home and you’ll end up eating far more than your share. This year do everyone a favor by not gifting fattening treats.
• When faced with a buffet line, load your plate first with greens, vegetables and lean meats before breads and heavier foods. Also drink water with your meal and keep alcoholic beverages to a 2-drink maximum.
• Beware of holiday drinks – most are brimming with calories. Hot drinks from coffee shops, cocktails at parties and creamy eggnog are all very enjoyable and all filled with empty calories. Stick with hot tea or unsweetened coffee.
• Everywhere you go during the holiday season brings you face-to-face with a plate of sweets. To avoid being a bore but without adding inches to your waist, try the one treat rule. Each time you’re in a social situation that involves sweets just eat one, and enjoy your treat slowly.

You don’t have to gain weight this holiday season. The key is your mindset.

If you approach the holidays with the mindset of, ‘I deserve to indulge and I shouldn’t have to exercise’ then you’ll enter 2012 a few pounds heavier, a little less healthy, and with lower energy than ever before.

I believe that you deserve better. I believe that you should enter 2012 in better shape than you are today, healthier than you’ve been in a long time, and with more energy than you thought possible.

I’m here to help – email me to set up a fitness consultation. I’d love to show you how to transform your body over the weeks to come.

Recipe of the Week

Low Carb Pumpkin Muffins

Here’s a muffin that isn’t sugary, starchy and devoid of nutrients – like the muffins at your favorite coffee shop. These muffins are rich in beta-carotene and contain half an egg’s worth of high quality protein. The delicately sweet flavor will satisfy and have you coming back for more.

Servings: 12

Here’s what you need…

• 1/2 cup coconut flour (find at natural foods store)
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup canned pureed pumpkin
• 6 eggs, beaten
• 3 Tablespoon coconut oil, melted
• 1/3 cup honey
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 12 pecans for topping



1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Oil muffin pans.
2. In a medium bowl, combine the coconut flour, spices, baking soda and salt.
3. In another bowl, place the pumpkin puree then add the eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Add melted coconut, honey and vanilla and mix until well combined.
4. Add the flour mixture to the pumpkin mixture, blend with a whisk until most lumps have disappeared.
5. Spoon into prepared muffin pan, filling each muffin 2/3 full. Bake for 18-20 minutes or until golden.
6. Place on wire rack to cool.

Nutritional Analysis:One serving equals: 127 calories, 7g fat, 230mg sodium, 11.7g carbohydrate, 3g fiber, and 5g protein.

Fitness Tip of the Week

Burn The Most

Activities that require the coordination of your entire body, such as jogging, swimming, and the elliptical trainer, burn more calories than stabilized activities, such as a stationary bike. For maximal calorie burning, choose cardiovascular exercises that use your entire body.

Law Without Gospel Leads To Licentiousness

Tullian Tchividjian October 17 2011 - No Comment

I received this letter a few weeks ago from someone I’ve never met. He sent it to me as a word of encouragement regarding how the message of grace has revitalized his love for God. I hesitated to post it because, given the kind things he says about my work, I didn’t want to appear self-promotional. But what he says about the effect of grace in revitalizing his spiritual life and the inability of the law to engender what it commands is so good, I just had to share it with you.

He wrote:

Over the last couple of years, we have really been struggling with the preaching in our church as it has been very law laden and borders on moralistic. After listening, I feel condemned with no power to overcome my lack of ability to obey the law. Over the last several months, I have found myself very spiritually depressed, to the point where I had no desire to even attend church.

We don’t have an evening service so we started listening to sermons as a family on Sunday evenings on the Internet. (We have 4 children, with another due on Monday!). We have listened to part of your “Pictures of Grace” sermons on your church website over the past few weeks. Additionally, we have been reading your blog. I just want to thank you for your commitment, and faithfulness to the gospel of grace. Since reading your blog and listening to your sermons, it is like a fresh ocean breeze blowing through my face. You rightly put the focus on the finished, completed work of Christ, and point us away from ourselves. I have found myself gradually crawling out of my spiritual depression and wanting to do the things God has called me to do. This isn’t a result of more law in my life, but more gospel.

Grace is not dependent on anything, and if it is, then it wouldn’t be grace! Pastors are so concerned about somehow preaching “too much grace” (as if that is possible) as they wrongly believe that type of preaching leads to antinomianism or licentiousness. But, I can testify that the opposite is actually true. I believe preaching only the law, and giving little to no gospel, actually leads to antinomianism. When mainly law is preached,  in my opinion, that leads to the realization that I can’t follow it, so I might as well quit trying. When the remedy to the law (gospel) is not presented, the hearer is left without any power to perform good works. Only the gospel gives the power to obey. I know what to do; I need the power to do it.

The ironic thing about legalism is that it not only doesn’t make people work harder, it makes them give up. Moralism doesn’t produce morality; rather, it produces immorality. We make a big mistake when we conclude that the law is THE answer to licentiousness. In fact, the law alone stirs up licentiousness. People get worse, not better, when you lay down the law.

To be sure, the Spirit does use the whole Word in our sanctification: the law as well as the gospel. But the law and the gospel do very different things. The law reveals sin but is powerless to remove sin. It points to righteousness but can’t produce it. It shows us what godliness is, but it cannot make us godly. As Martin Luther said, “Sin is not canceled by lawful living, for no person is able to live up to the Law. Nothing can take away sin except the grace of God.” The law is impotent–it has no strength, it has no power, it offers us nothing. Sinners already are powerless to obey the demands of the law, and the law offers them no assistance–absolutely none.

The law apart from the gospel can only crush; it can’t cure.

The law could promise life to me,
If my obedience perfect be;
But grace does promise life upon
My Lord’s obedience alone.

The law says, Do, and life you’ll win;
But grace says, Live, for all is done;
The former cannot ease my grief,
The latter yields me full relief. (Ralph Erskine, 1745)

So, the law serves us by showing us how to love God and others. But we fail to do this every day. And when we fail, it is the gospel which brings comfort by reminding us that God’s infinite approval of us doesn’t depend on our keeping of the law but on Christ’s keeping of the law for us. And guess what? This makes me want to obey him more, not less! As Spurgeon wrote, “When I thought God was hard, I found it easy to sin; but when I found God so kind, so good, so overflowing with compassion, I smote upon my breast to think that I could ever have rebelled against One who loved me so, and sought my good.”

Indeed, it is “the kindness of the Lord that leads to repentance” (Romans 2:4).

Self-Hatred and Its Solution

Lea Clower October 10 2011 - 1 Comment

“Love your neighbor as yourself.” The liberals went too far with self-love, self-actualization, self-esteem, self-help, self-confidence, self-assurance, self-indulgence, self….self…self…me at the center of the universe. The conservatives went too far with self-deprecation, self-flagellation, self-lessness, self-denial, self-righteousness, self-abasement, self-effort, self-sacrifice, self…self…self…me at the center of the universe. Guess what, I’ve lived in both extremes and shorter descriptions would be “an egomaniac with an inferiority complex” and “an outwardly humble egomaniac.”

The truth is, both “of us” hate ourselves.

For the first one, the world and its values are the empty efforts at giving ourselves value and love. For the second, we can’t really believe/experience God’s grace; we don’t really believe Jesus paid it all, that we are completely and totally forgiven, and that God loves us no matter what. For the first one, if god (small “g”) or the world won’t tell us how great we are, we will tell ourselves how great we are. For the second one, if God won’t punish us, if Jesus is going to take our punishment for us, we will punish ourselves and call it humility.

I’ve heard Steve say it so many times, “The unbeliever hopes the Gospel is true, and the believer is afraid it’s not.”

I wish I knew how to experience, how to feel, God’s forgiveness. To know that the sins I’m going to commit tomorrow are already paid for, without letting it be a license to sin, but the freedom to fail…like a child who knows they are loved. Many of us grew up where doing something wrong, committing sin, even just being childish was not acceptable. Well, not just unacceptable, but reason to be crushed, unloved, physically and emotionally abused in order to “make” us lovable. It’s no wonder that unconditional love just doesn’t compute where it counts, in our hearts.

There were a few moments when we first became Christians that God’s love and forgiveness were overwhelming and overflowing. The joy of being loved was so real that we could taste it. Then came religion, then came church, then came seminary, then came the ministry, and there went love, freedom, and peace.

Steve started me on the road to recovery “of my first love” and my first being loved, but as we say in AA, unfortunately an old bed of nails is more comfortable than a new mattress. By the way if you want to really learn about the Christian life, find a good AA meeting that is committed to sobriety not just being dry. Or maybe you’re one of the lucky ones and are part of a church “that gets it” about this grace thing…then go and pray for the faith to believe it.

Reinhold Niebuhr wrote a prayer that in its short form has been made most popular and well known through AA and is called the Serenity Prayer. It seems that the earliest known version of the prayer, from 1937, has been found in a Christian student newsletter (“The Intercollegian and Far Horizons”), which claimed to reprint the prayer from an earlier edition of the newsletter, and attributes the prayer to Niebuhr in this form:

“Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.”

The most popular version, whose authorship is also attributed to Niebuhr, is:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can change, and Wisdom to know the difference.”

The longest version has these additional lines:

“Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.”

Let me share what’s been painfully revealed recently…my greatest pain, my greatest sin, my greatest flaw, etc….self-hatred. My wife asked me, “What would it cost me to give up this self-hatred?” As I thought about her question and continue to deal with the answer to the question other questions surface. What would it cost me to give up a lack of forgiveness of myself, especially in light of the facts: that Jesus loves me, the Father loves me, the Holy Spirit indwells me, I am righteous by faith not works, by grace through faith, I am forgiven, Christ died for ME (not just everyone else, but for Lea), he paid the penalty for my sins 2000 years ago…before I ever sinned, and He knew then what sin and blasphemy I would commit as an unbeliever and as a believer. I would have to give up my “self-righteousness”, my good deeds, my bad deeds, my “having what it takes” (my father told me, I didn’t have it, and I’ve spent my life trying to prove I do), my successes, and my failures. I would have to give up everything/anything that gives me credit, recognition, glory, self-worth, fame, importance, pride, etc., etc., …..

So this morning for me, and maybe for some of you, I dare paraphrase/re-write a classic prayer:

“Father, grant me the grace to forgive myself for the things/sin I cannot change, the courage/grace to live only for your fame/glory, not mine, and the wisdom/enabling power of the Holy Spirit to worship and praise you alone and not the things of mine or man like reputation, importance, power, self-confidence. Lord, help me believe and feel in my heart what I know to be true in my head.”

God bless you guys,

Lea

An Open Letter to the Senior Pastor from the Youth Pastor

Zach Van Dyke October 04 2011 - 4 Comments

DISCLAIMER: There is a danger I’m taking in writing this letter while currently serving as a Youth Pastor as this could appear to be a passive-aggressive attempt to communicate with my own Senior Pastor. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. I love my Senior Pastor and talk openly with him on a regular basis. This letter comes from 5 years of being a Youth Pastor and spending 5 years talking with other Youth Pastors. My intent in writing this fictitious letter is to encourage honest dialogue between Senior Pastors and Youth Pastors.

2nd DISCLAIMER: Just like Senior Pastors, every once in a while there is a Youth Pastor that is simply “bad.” The following will not help in aiding a Senior Pastor’s relationship with a “bad” Youth Pastor. He should probably just be fired.

Dear Senior Pastor,

For a while now I’ve been meaning to tell you the following three things:

1. Please know that I don’t want your job! I really don’t! I’m a good communicator. Maybe even better than you because my audience forces me to be. (Teenagers have to be the most fickle audiences.) I’ve actually been offered opportunities to pursue a job like yours…and I don’t want it! I see how people treat you. I see how people place such high expectations on you and your family. I see how you are required to solve every problem from the drums being too loud during the last song to why a loving God would allow Mary’s mother to get cancer. I see how you need to be all things to all people at all times. Now in some ways the same is asked of me as the Youth Pastor, but unlike me, you can’t say “Hey, I’m just the youth guy.” Did I mention, I really don’t want your job?!

2. Please know the hard parts of my job and acknowledge to me that you know it’s hard. Care about my job. Genuinely care. Like noted in #1, I am dealing with the most fickle of all humans, teenagers. There are days that I think, why don’t they like me? How could 5 of my best leaders “take a break” from our youth group and go with their buddy Tim to his youth group? Also, most of the time I talk about our brokenness and our neediness and Jesus as the Healer and Savior, I am met with blank stares or worse faces lit by iPhones. Because most of my teenagers have “good” parents, because their parents work really hard to provide for them a “good” life and protect them from the world and often times even their own selves…they don’t really see a need for Jesus. He isn’t practical to them. I need you to remind me that what I’m doing is important and that it matters. I need you to tell me that I might not see results today, but when this teenager screws it up bad in college (and she will…every single one of them…even or maybe especially the home-school ones), maybe she will remember the Gospel that I preached to her today and believe then.

3. Please know I want you to care about me. Actually, the previous two don’t really matter. Just this one. My passion as a Youth Pastor is to provide teenagers with what I longed for as a teenager. To have someone take an interest in me. To love me and tell me I have what it takes. To usher me into adulthood. (I didn’t really have that which doesn’t excuse but might explain some of my sophomoric behavior and poor choices.) I look up to you. Like I said, I don’t want your job, but in many ways I want to be like you. Your faithfulness, your perseverance, your compassion. Show me how you survive a job that from my view, since I’m already being honest, looks pretty sh*tty…because in doing that I really believe you will show me Jesus.

Thank you for all you do…now can we hang?

Sincerely,

A Youth Pastor

Senior Pastors, seriously, thank you for all you do…now go and love your Youth Pastor!

So glad it’s all about grace.

Zach

The Four Risks & The Gospel

Tom Wood September 26 2011 - 2 Comments

Dr. Archibald Hart, professor at Fuller Seminary, “is best known for his research on the hazards of ministry, depression, anxiety, divorce, stress, and sexuality”(from Fuller’s website). In an article, “Time To Get A Life”, written for pastors, he offered what he considered Risk factors for ministry life. Allow me to let his pen inform us of

“The Four Risks…”

1. You develop a certain Aloneness. You have no peer, so you become a loner.

2. You develop a certain Arrogance. “Who can teach me anything? I’m the one that’s been successful.” You stop being accountable to anyone.

3. The third step downwards is that you develop an Addiction to being successful. Your body adapts to that level, so you’ve got to up the ante, start new projects. You’ve become so addicted to the physical pleasure associated with new things that you have to keep starting new things and being successful in them. You’re now in a chase-your-tail kind of cycle.

4. After awhile, the pleasure center in the brain that controls all of this can no longer be satisfied with ordinary achievements, so this risk develops: Adultery. You don’t see this spoken of so much in the secular world, because adultery is so commonplace and doesn’t mean anything. But in our Christian subculture, highly successful pastors can no longer derive any pleasure from anything they are doing. The only thing left is the sexual impropriety.

Briefly, as you read those, I suspect some of you might have agreed with his risk factors, some thought of a friend who you know who is or has been down that road, or others of you dismissed it because you thought, “I would never do that”.

So let me ask—How alone do you feel in ministry? Really? The pastoral life is a lonely life. No matter how much you want to be close to your key leaders or staff or other local pastors, it is very risky to allow yourself to be really known and to really know others.

When I was a younger pastor planting a new church, I began attending a monthly pastor’s luncheon—the city’s “Clergy Association”. Ben was one of the pastors in the group. He had been in the city for about twenty years, had a stable church with about 300 members. I was new in the city with a newly launched church half his size. I asked Ben about his longevity. He said, “I gave up really caring about who came and who didn’t. Most people are only around for about 3-5 years and it became too painful to really care about getting involved in their lives.” He was a busy pastor and he was alone.

It is our part of our default to protect ourselves…not just in ministry life, but all of us who have been affected by the fall, whether pastors or not, to not want be known. People may say they want community and relationships, but not the kind that involves prying beneath the masks. It is risky. And being a pastor, well you open yourself up for “Mobbing” (read Vensel’s blog on mobbing). You know the score.

Does the Gospel of grace have anything to say to this? Yes, Courage flows from the Gospel embraced!

So, Remember the Gospel:
You are completely forgiven—you have nothing to hide.
You are perfectly righteous in Jesus—you have nothing to prove.
You are eternally loved—you have nothing to fear.
Rely on the Holy Spirit to lead you and to provide for you!

Next time, I want to explore the Arrogance…

Till then, may I remind you of my favorite SB quote? “Your sin is not a hindrance to the work of Christ in your life, it’s the reason He’s at work in your life”.

Clergy Mobbing Research

Steve Vensel September 20 2011 - No Comment

Last year I wrote a blog on mobbing:

Mobbing is an emotional assault in which a hostile workplace environment is created through innuendo, rumors, and public discrediting. Mobbing is defined as the prolonged malicious harassment of a coworker by a group of other members of an organization to secure the removal from the organization of the one who is targeted. Usually a single individual initiates the mobbing by gathering others to participate in malevolent actions to force a person out of the workplace. Mobbing involves a small group of people and results in the humiliation, devaluation, discrediting, degradation, loss of reputation and the removal of the target through termination, extended medical leave or quitting. In a church workplace setting “coworkers” may include other clergy, staff, volunteers, elders, deacons, and/or congregation members.

Mobbing has never been empirically researched in church settings, which is a fancy way of saying it doesn’t exist in the academic literature, and is therefore not recognized as something that actually happens. This blog is about how we can change that in order to begin a meaningful conversation regarding how to help pastors prevent and/or overcome this experience.

As part of my Doctorate work at Florida Atlantic University (Department of Counselor Education) I am investigating “mobbing” and clergy. I am asking you to please assist me in getting the word out to pastors (Senior, Associate, Assistant, Executive, Youth Pastors, Worship leaders: anyone serving in a pastoral/ministry position in a church) to participate in this research. If you have experienced mobbing I urge you to participate in this study.

Participation will consist of going to this secure research website: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ClergyMobbing and completing a short demographic questionnaire and three short questionnaires. This should take no more that 35 minutes and you can come back to it if you are not able to complete it at one time.

All information and collected data is completely confidential, secure and protected. No identifying information will be collected and there are no obligations, advertisements, requests, promotions or commercial activities associated with this research whatsoever, it is strictly and only for research purposes. The risks involved with participating in this study are no more than one would experience in regular daily activities. To learn more about the study please visit the “Clergy Mobbing” Facebook page I have created: Clergy Mobbing on Facebook.

If you have any contacts in denominational organizations, pastor support groups, or can forward an email to a pastor with a link to the research page please do so. A copy of an email is posted on the Clergy Mobbing Facebook page that you can forward to your contacts. I’m happy to email this information so please feel free to contact me at stevevensel@gmail.com. Thank you for helping with this important project in any way possible!

Lastly, I want to express my extreme appreciation to Steve Brown for his support of pastors and to Erik for his help with this blog.

Steve Vensel, Doctoral Candidate
Florida Atlantic University
Department of Counselor Education

Transform from “Before” to “After”

Steve McKinney September 06 2011 - No Comment

Have you ever seen a really impressive “before” and “after” photo on a weight loss product?

Well, there’s something that the diet industry doesn’t want you to know. There is more involved than just the diet product, and it’s the same across the board.

Look into the eyes of any person in their “before” picture and you’ll see that they are deeply disturbed. The body they have is no longer in sync with the body they are able to accept.

They changed the body that they accept, and became disturbed.

Now look into their eyes in the “after” picture – see the sweet satisfaction? They now live in the body that they decided they could accept. What an amazing feeling that is.

Why are you still living life in your “before” body?

Sure, you have obstacles that get in your way – your schedule, your job, your kids, the weather, your knee injury from college…but ultimately you have the body that you accept.

I’m going to repeat that so it will really sink in.

You have the body that you accept.

Transform from “Before” to “After”

You may not realize it, but you already posses everything you need to transform your body, and it all starts with taking responsibility for the body that you have today.

You are in your current shape because, until this moment, you’ve been OK with it.

Oh I know you aren’t thrilled with it, and you even talk about losing weight and getting fit – but you haven’t changed what you’ll accept.

Here’s how to transform your body in 3 steps:

Step One: Feel Disturbed

It has been said that emotion creates motion. This is essential when it comes to personal transformation. Just like those folks in the “before” pictures, to transform your body you must first decide that you can’t live another day in the body you currently have.

Get your emotions stirred up. Make a list of all the reasons that you’re ready to lose weight and get fit. Get disturbed.

Step Two: Decide What You Want

Without clarity you’ll never get where you want to go. Now that you’re disturbed with the body you have, decide what the body you can accept looks like.

Think in concrete and specific terms. Just like the captions under “before” and “after” pictures – “Shannon lost 50 lbs,” “Matt lost 8 inches from his waist,” “Catherine went from a size 20 to a size 4.”

Get a clear picture in your mind of what you’ll look like in your “after” picture and decide what the caption will read.

Step Three: Take Action

The time spent between your inspiration (now) and taking action determines whether you will succeed or fail. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck between inspiration and action – there is always something that you can do immediately.

Take action by emailing me now to set up a fitness consultation.

I am here to take you from your “before” picture to your “after” picture. What will your “after” caption read?

Recipe of the Week

Salmon and Broccoli Scramble

Salmon, broccoli and egg whites combine for the perfect protein-packed breakfast. Add a side of avocado for healthy fats and a serving of fruit for a delicious start to your day.

Servings: 2

Here’s what you need…

• 1 teaspoon olive oil
• 1 cup fresh broccoli, cut into small pieces
• 5 egg whites
• 8oz grilled or smoked salmon, separated into small pieces
• dash of salt and pepper

Nutritional Analysis:One serving equals: 225 calories, 7g fat, 557mg sodium, 6.5g carbohydrate, 1g fiber, and 33g protein.

Fitness Tip of the Week

Get Disturbed

You have to get disturbed with your current shape before you’ll take the action needed to transform your body. How do you get disturbed? Try these:

• Go shopping for a swim suit
• Try on all of your “skinny” clothes
• Look at old pictures from when you were in better shape
• Go to the doctor for a physical

FOR SEASONED PASTORS…WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT HAVING OTHER STAFF PREACH ON SUNDAY

Pete Alwinson August 29 2011 - 1 Comment

Axioms I brought into being a Senior Pastor with me from day one of my ministry (a long time ago)…

“Don’t give up your pulpit easily to just anyone”. Some preachers look for opportunities to not prepare a sermon. It’s hard work! Give up your pulpit often and easily and your people will think you’re not doing your job during the week. They’ll think you’re lazy. Also, you never know what kind of a meal your guest speakers will give your people. You teach your people.

“Sermon preparation is hard work but it is also your core work. A SP should never give up his core work.”

Now those aren’t the only things I brought with me into the pastorate…but those are two axioms that probably kept me from allowing my staff to preach much in the church I serve as Senior Pastor. As I have gotten older, more tired, more secure, as I’ve seen the patterns change among churches where there is more shared preaching than my era promoted, and, and as I am moving into more of a coach’s mentality where I see that the baton is passing and must be passed to younger pastors, I want others on my staff to speak. It surprises even me, but it’s a good thing this change! This past week as I was listening to a great sermon from our Assistant Pastor Curt Moore, I jotted down some benefits to having other staff preach on Sunday…why it’s good for our church and for me. Ok, so in writing this down during the sermon I missed some of his sermon. But I sat through two services, so…I DID listen to him too and got it all…

Here’s what I learned about having other staff preach…

1. The Father wants to speak to me in the same way He wants to speak to my congregation (Ok, it’s not “my” congregation; it’s the congregation I serve as pastor. But pastors are kind of like fathers and “my kids” are “mine”…fathers are possessive, so it’s “my congregation” only in so far as its first Jesus’ congregation. Whew…I was worried about some pastor calling me on the theology of “my”.) Back to my point. It’s really good for me to sit under the preaching of the Word of God and for my people to see me sitting under it, and taking notes and nodding encouragingly and laughing when appropriate, and in general being supportive of our staff. God wants to speak to me in church too I learning, rather than just speaking through me. I love being a learner and it’s a great place where I can grow too. When I permit other staff to speak, and I do think it’s the Senior/Lead Pastor’s call who preaches, I/we send the message that we too believe in preaching and want to hear from the Lord in that context.


2. It gives my staff an opportunity to grow as communicators in a real life context. I have taught communications in a seminary setting, but obviously seminary is not a real life church setting! In seminary we gain tools but not experience and certainly not expertise in preaching. All seminary grads have an MA or a Masters of Divinity, but in reality when we graduate with the monster 3 year full time M.Div we’re masters of nothing when it comes to practical ministry. As a younger pastor myself I was developing as a communicator and didn’t want to share my venue. Selfishness and competition got in the way. Getting older, I feel like a coach more, and appreciate the younger guys, and want them to succeed. I’m not going to be in my SP role forever, and want good guys to succeed after me. Why not help my staff feed my people better? I’m slow, but learning. I’m also learning how to give constructive advice without being condescending or demand that they do what I want them to do in communicating. Steve Brown has modeled this consistently to me and for me. What grace!


3. When my staff preaches it gives me an opportunity to encourage them with what they did well and right in preaching, and it draws us closer as a team.


4. When my staff preaches I get a break! I need weeks where I don’t have to study for and write up and then communicate a sermon. Sermons take a lot of hard work, and should be given the best part of our weeks. But we all know how many other things we need to do, and some weeks off preaching give me as Senior Pastor a break. Some, like Andy Stanley, will prep a sermon even when he’s not preaching and that makes sense too. He’s got three sermons prepped already and in the bag and reviews this week’s upcoming sermon on Saturday night. That’s great if you can do it. When I line up another staff member to speak, I can work ahead on a sermon, read another book on the topic on which I’m preaching, find better illustrations…and think more about it. Ah…more thinking and praying are what I need for every sermon. I was living large this past week. I love preaching but only had to do welcome and announcements, baptism and the Apostle’s creed. I was able to give myself to those elements of worship without worrying about my message.


5. Your congregation will view your staff with a higher estimation because of the preaching role. People connect with their pastors in the communication process and if they minister to the flock well through their sermon the flock will esteem them and support them better in their staff position. That of course is good overall for the church! Clarification: If the staff member is not a good communicator, and isn’t making progress in communication and doesn’t have the preaching gift/or really like to preach, then they will generally do more harm to themselves and the ministry than if you force/allow them to preach. Be a lion about this. If you have a staff member who wants to preach but just can’t “bring it”, don’t let them preach. Take the flak you have to take for the good of your people and ministry. When it comes to visitors: “You only have one opportunity to make a first impression.” A really bad staff preacher can hurt your ministry. Your call. Did you hear that? It’s your call.


6. Your staff in their preaching can convey the church’s vision, your vision, with their own “take” on it and this will help unite and move your church family ahead.


7. Having other staff preach forces you to have your security and identity in Christ and not in being visible or the center of attention. Allowing your staff to preach periodically can be a spiritual discipline which enables you to not feed but actually starve the sin of pride and ego. Our role as Senior Pastors is about and was always really about Jesus anyway.


8. Allowing your staff to preach reminds you how exhausting and taxing preaching is! When they’re done preaching and are tired, and you actually have energy for the rest of Sunday and feel like doing something with your family, you’ll remember that what you do every week is monumental and challenging, even though rewarding labor. Preaching is why you need to take time off to relax and recuperate. It’s why you get irritated in meetings sometimes and just want to run away. I think a lot of us are running on empty a lot of the time. Partly, it’s because we’ve not gotten proper rest after preaching. Spurgeon had it right…something about preaching yourself to death and then allowing God to breathe new life into you. Leave it all on the court…er..worship center. But make sure you give time for the Spirit to bring you back to life again. I use Monday as a flex day to recover. If I don’t, I won’t just burn out, I’ll explode.

Well, those are some of the things I learned this past week. I’m sure there is more…other…better lessons.

Those of us who are a little older as senior/lead pastors have a great opportunity…to coach! What have you learned by letting your staff preach?

You take it to heart!